The Desperation Factor When Dating

Desperation is the worst thing you can be afflicted with when in the dating game.  Statistics have shown that 9 out of 10 women find that men that act desperate are unattractive and 5 out of the 9 feel that desperate behavior is scary.  How does someone act desperate though, what are the signs, the symptoms?  The biggest hint of desperation is over-eagerness.  Men that seem too available bring up questions for some women, like, why is no one else interested in this guy or doesn’t he have something else in his life?  Over eagerness when it comes to dating can be a total turnoff.  It is easily fixed with some slight behavioral changes.  The problem though is that many guys that aren’t even desperate come across that way.  This is what to look out for in your own behavior:

1)      If she calls, do you pick up right away?

2)      Do you call or message too frequently?

3)      When asking her out, do you ask more than one time?

4)      Are your feelings overly hurt if she has to decline seeing you?

The best thing to do if you are coming across as desperate is to pull it back some.  Become more reserved and less available without completely shutting down communication.  If she asks you out, make sure to take a few minutes to at least “check your calendar” before accepting.  If you can “move some things around” so that you can go out on the date, that’s even better.

Calling or messaging too much are some of the most common forms of desperation.  Instead of sending her a message as soon as she logs on the online dating service, wait for her to message you.  If after at least fifteen minutes, she hasn’t contacted you, it is ok to message, but it is also ok just to sign off also.  You can always message her another time.  The point is this, don’t message her as soon as she logs on because it could appear that you have been sitting at the computer waiting for her to show up so that you could pounce.

Online dating is already tricky enough, so now I have to follow a bunch of rules to not appear desperate?  Yes, especially with online dating because it is difficult to completely express tone and intention in a text only environment.  Once you move to video or phone communication, then things will change.  When chatting or messaging in an online dating environment, it takes a little more to make sure that you are expressing exactly what you think you are expressing.

If you take your time, don’t appear to eager and eventually move to other forms of communication, you will find that not appearing desperate has helped you to build a stronger foundation for a successful dating experience.